A Personal Releasement Journey by Carolyn Page 1

The issue being; my lack of self worth. I immediately felt a tug at my
heart and wanted to cry. Because of this response I ‘knew’ that this was
indeed an ‘issue’ for me. I will explain that I was the child of a couple
who did not want me. They made me feel unloved and unwanted and as if I
didn’t exist for most of the time. Needless to say my ‘self worth’ was
very poor. I tried in vain to get them to accept me. I never did. Nothing
that I did ever impressed them. I just didn’t enter their ‘radar’ so to
speak.

I did however come to terms with much of this neglect throughout my life
and did come to some agreement with both of my parents though it was far
from open love. And so I have been dealing with this issue and the
resulting ‘lack of self worth’ I would say, most of my life.

I have wanted to come into here and ask, what is it I still need to work
on to reach the 51%, but didn’t have the courage to do so. For me, its
like “the knowing” of what still needs to be looked at, then I have
something to work with, but my mind likes to delude me into thinking that
I have released and let go, so I move forward, and instantly ppl are there
to give me the gift of showing me I was wrong.

C.C I thank you for your timing in prompting Carolyn to step forward, but
at times I prefer A humans point of view than the consciousness,
especially from one who has been where I seem to be, this by no means is
said out of malice, but so many channels are very fluffy, don’t seem to
give any real answers, ppl who have been there, can give the tools to work
with, this is how I work, the ppl who come to see me, usually have issues
that I have overcome, so I can give them something real to work with, the
others come to teach me, and spirit gives me the tools to help them. But
when It comes to helping myself, I seem blocked.

I know it all boils down to self worth, and there are many levels to self
worth, my issues may not be Carolyn’s, and are unique to me and my
experiences…………What is it exactly that I am not seeing.
Only you, the C.C. knows how much I have let go of and given love back to,
to heal. Not just this life, but others that have related to this one. I
have already untangled so much, but the knots that are still there, still
seem to have the same energy to it.
To be honest, I thought that I had already done more than 51% of the
work….As soon as I feel I have taken a step ahead, Im thrown two steps
back………..

This might sound strange Carolyn, but I have been waiting for you, and for
your life, (soul), to set up your experiences, and now I see why, because
the energy, has a vibration that matches mine.

Once upon a time a child lay waiting, waiting for love to come. It lay and
it lay and it lay. It was not love that it received, no, dear one, it was
judgment!

Sit with this thought for a time, dear one, wait to see what pops up, so
to speak. Have patience, dear heart; Rome was not built in a day!

Try to remember, the next time you face your equals, that there is this
preponderance within to feel judged. It is by doing this that you will do
your 51%. Get it, dear one, indeed! Not so hard. No. Not so hard.

just to let you know publicly that I too have felt somewhat inadequate
when I can help others and yet my own blocked energies are, at times, a
great mystery to me.

I believe that we all have a much greater power, at present anyway, to see
others and their needs much more than our own. I get ‘cloudy’ in the head,
so to speak, when trying to understand my own blockages and yet I feel so
clear when assisting others. You are not alone. However, I want to say
that ‘life’ gives us only those whom we can assist, in whatever way that
happens to be; so never ever think that those who are directed to you
cannot be assisted by you. I know that you know this, however I just want
to make this public. Yeah!

Yesterday came the physical releasement which, in my experience, follows a
harmful energy releasement. In my experience these vary according to that
which is being released; its volume or density, so to speak.

For me this has ranged from flu-like symptoms, a headache, pains in
particular areas of the body and such like. In this case my lower abdomen
became very painful for a short period of time, perhaps half and hour, as
very unusual pains deep inside shot about in varying directions. It was a
little uncomfortable at the time however I have learned to allow this
physical releasement and remain as relaxed as possible knowing that it is
going to take, in general, only a short time. Also, during the first few
days of this major releasement, I felt somewhat lethargic and did not want
to be involved in any ‘fun type activities’. I just felt the need to be
quiet. However now I am back to my normal self. The heavy energies have
passed and I am ready to face the new day.

I write this because I know that this is a natural consequence to
releasing harmful energies which have taken up residence within our
bodies. Perhaps someone who has a greater understanding of the cellular
releasement may post this understanding here for those of us whose
knowledge is basic.)

All the best with your healing.
Carolyn

(I add here, on the 26th July 2005, the voice of my daughter, Veronica,
who reminded me that diarrhea is one of the common conditions following
physical releasements, in her experience.)

We also wish to add, dear ones, that all are individuals and shall release
the harmful energies in their own distinct fashion. No two alike, dear
hearts. That which applies to one indeed may not apply to another, and so
forth. Allow the energies ‘free flow’ to be released in the fashion which
is ‘right’ for you, dear heart. Fear not the releasement of energies which
be causing you harm, dear one. Their energy of harm is ‘now’ working it
self out within your bodies in a fashion which is detrimental to you,
bringing you pain, heartache and physical disease.

Better to be without such atrocities, dear ones, within your beings. A
little discomfort for a short period of time far outweighs the discomfort
of eternity, indeed.

These energies don’t always just disappear, and I say “don’t always”
because at times they release very quickly, but if we have been holding on
to the said emotion for a long time, then it has become old stuck energy
and quite often will need to work through the body for final releasement.
The longer our discomfort is, can be an indication that these energies are
not being released easily, its a natural process for us to hate our
discomforts, and quite often we will plug along ignoring how we feel.

To love ourselves, is to love the all  “Our darkness is our Divinity”
so as we wade through the darkness of our lives, our natural instinct is
to hate it and just want it gone, this unfortunately keeps it stuck,
that’s why years down the track the same emotion might rear its head again
to say hello, remember me? This I have experienced this week, and I have
spent some time feeling terrible, and bringing love to it and excepting
that this has been apart of my journey and apart of who I am and that my
darkness is worthy of my love also. Breathing in love and being gentle
with ourselves while it leaves make the process move very quickly………

you speak truth, dear heart; it is not for the feint hearted. However,
dear heart, as I’m sure you would agree. ‘Better out than in’.

We take this opportunity to say to those of you who be contemplating the
releasement of harmful energies. Know that they are there, dear ones. Know
that they ‘are’ causing you harm. Know that you would be better off
without them. Allow yourself to contemplate the process of being free of
them. This is all we ask of thee. Think upon this matter diligently and
know that we shall assist all by allowing you to be free of your painful
energies after doing only 51% of the work upon yourselves. This is our
guarantee.

I was ‘pussy footing’ about a little because I don’t want to ‘scare’
anyone off going through their own releasement of harmful energies.

About 4 years ago, when I was coming to terms with a ‘fear’ in my life. (I
can’t and don’t want to remember specifically which one, there were so
many, however I know that it was a biggie.) Anyway, when the mental work
had been done and I knew that it had been conquered, so to speak, the
physical releasement process began.

As the C.C. has said, all will release in their own fashion as is ‘right’
for them. I had been advised by my spiritual adviser (Soul Friend/Michael)
as I understood then, that I had much of the energies of fear which my
brain had created due to its inability to ‘cope’ in a skilled way with
certain living experiences; stored in my kidneys.

Making it very short and succinct I passed a kidney stone in hospital some
few days later. Quite painful. However, as the C.C. has said, ‘better out
than in’.

Don’t want to suggest to anyone that this will happen to you, but also
need to speak my truth. Yes, some releasements have proven painful, but
hey! I’m free of so many fears, inadequacies, phobias, the list goes on
and on. I am still not completely free and have a way to go however I sure
am glad that I am the me of today and not the me of yesterday; and if that
means concentrating on myself and my brain created untruths and then
releasing these mentally and physically then that is what I shall continue
to do.

There is no need to pussyfoot around anymore, I don’t think there are many
who have not felt how fast things are moving these days, its all part of
the new energy, many old stories are coming up for so many ppl now and
letting others know that the releasing of their old stories can
cause them to feel terrible physically, the flu type symptoms and body
aches are all part of shifting into the new and letting go of the old.
When ppl are given the information that explains whets happening to them
and so many others, it helps them to not feel so alone and can give them a
certain amount of acceptance which is the first step to releasing with
more ease.

We all have our own stories, and these stories are our way of seeing a
situation, but these stories of ours do not allow for us to see how it is
for the other ppl who happen to be involved, especially when we are young,
we hold on to these stories and eventually they becomes our truth, and its
these truths that become stuck energy and can cause us many physical
ailments, and some ppl can become very sensitive emotionally………..
A client of mine believed that her mother threw her out of the house to go
and live with her father, she believed her mother didn’t want her anymore,
she grew up feeling betrayed and abandoned, this was her story, and
because of it, she has had many ups and downs emotionally. When we took
her back to witness the whole event again, she was standing on the outside
looking in, she was able to see how the event took place and what her mind
chose to hold on to and what it chose not to see, she understood what
really happened and was able to let of her story finally and is repairing
her life gradually.
This is how I see what the C.C. is talking about, when they speak of the
brain, and asking us to understand the way our mind will hold on to
something that isn’t the truth, our mind can tell us almost anything, and
it is usually so believable we will buy it hook line and sinker, my guess
is, this is how the brain is set up to function in the 3d world.
We have now shifted from the 3d, and we all have the opportunity to shift
with it, which includes understanding how the mind/brain can create our
stories…………

I have been somewhat ‘isolated’ the last few years. I haven’t been in
touch with what has been happening spiritually. I have, of course, been
conversing, as always, with spirit and allowing spirit to lead the way, so
to speak. However I have been kept apart from all knowledge of spiritual
‘things’ for a few years now; which is why it was quite a surprise to me
when in Feb this year I was given to create this website etc. So my
knowledge of what is really happening is limited. I am also, as I’ve
mentioned to you, not to seek out other spiritual websites, listen to
spiritual broadcasts, read spiritual literature, etc. I understand that in
this way I remain without knowledge so that I can then impart what I am
given by the C.C. without the brain getting in the way, so to speak. So I
need people like you to fill in the blanks, so to speak. I like it that I
have a role to play in this new understanding, but I am also glad that I
don’t know it all. This allows me to be just a part of it and have great
others around me who can also share their knowing and experiences. So if I
seem a little unknowledgeable at times, it is because I am.

Thank you, I need you and others to play their part.
Carolyn

It is for the sake of ‘purity’ that we keep our beloved Carolyn apart from
the daily news. She, like all humans, filters all knowledge through the
receptacle of the brain. This, at times, can hinder the individual if the
brain chooses to change the content of the information to ‘fit’ a
pre-determined understanding.

We wish for the instrument Carolyn to remain ‘impartial’ to all of the
filtering information which is available. By this means she remains
innocent of all channels. We can then channel, as we require, the
information which she has agreed to bring forward. This she does with
great energy and gusto; so is her desire to assist. Do not think, dear
heart, that our dear Carolyn ‘misses out’, indeed not; she is filled with
our love and the information which is necessary for her to know. She
states that she is unknowledgeable, dear one. This is simply not true. She
understands the role which she is to play; she comprehends the filtering
of the information through the human brain; she rightly remains aloof from
all variances of thought. This she does in order to remain ‘one minded’
and open to that which we send to and through her. She has a humble
nature, dear one, which allows all to have their part to play in our new
scenario being enacted upon the stage of earth. Do not be fooled by her
imaginings, dear one. She is a tool of great worth to us and to you.

To get it started I will share the dilemma in which I find myself now. I
know that I am here to do what I am doing. But there is a part of me that
feels that others will think of me as a ‘know all’ or someone who thinks
that they are above others and this is not the case. I don’t know how to
deal with this. I am certain of what I have come to do and I know that I
will fulfill this objective. But I still concern myself with the feelings
of others. I still concern myself that they will think of me as someone
who is setting themselves up as some type of guru and that certainly is
far from the case. I truly abhor any type of hero worship because I
believe that it takes away from the true hero which is inside each and
every one of us. (A clich� but a truism.) I don’t want anybody to ‘look up
to me’ as such, even though both Veronica and I have been advised that
there will be those who will. I don’t like this and yet I know that some
need to do this until they find their own guru within. Having said this,
which I hadn’t articulated before, I can see that maybe it is okay for
some, maybe I have done that myself. I certainly hero worshipped Soul
Friend and found it difficult to accept, at first, that my hero was gone,
so to speak. So maybe in writing this I am coming to understand that until
we find ourselves we need others to ‘look up to’; as I now realise I have
done myself.

Since the ‘switch was flicked’ on my ‘lack of self worth’ I feel so very
different. I know that I am ‘so much more me’ and I have a greater
confidence in my self. Not saying that I don’t need others or that I think
I can ‘go alone’; far from that. I now feel so much more united and yet I
have an individuality which is so much more ‘sure footed’ on my own.

So thank you; you are such a catalyst for the good. I have been such a
private person. Perhaps this is the next belief which I need to rid myself
of; the old belief of ‘lack of love’ made me ‘go within’ as I said.
However from this ‘going within’ I have perhaps become too private and
perhaps scared to open myself to others in many ways. You are certainly a
catalyst, Debbie. Thank you, you are helping me to see me.

I like to call myself a social loner, the loner aspect is a safe haven for
me when I’m stepping outside my comfort zone. I used to use this aspect of
myself to hide in, and at times I feel I could stay there and never
venture out, its a space that I created for myself as a child, but like
all things there needs to be a balance, and this space is good for me when
I need some time out and some clarity, then I can step outside and play
again….That space is a safety net, and the day is coming when I wont
need anymore.

So many fears and blocks I put up for myself just because I didn’t trust
me and trust that I could do this, all my
life I have heard that “I am lazy and whets the use of even trying, you
never finish anything anyway” of course that became my
truth………….You know the energy of that is still with me, but its
there to remind me now, its like the brother that you never liked, but you
loved because they are family, that energy isn’t harmful because I don’t
feed it anymore, well not as much as I used to

Quote:
“I don’t want anybody to ‘look up to me’ as such, even though both
Veronica and I have been advised that there will be those who will. I
don’t like this and yet I know that some need to do this until they find
their own guru within.”

What we fear the most, we tend to draw in to our lives, I have had some
great teachers and some where very ego based, this I feared myself, but I
started to see them in a new light, they where showing me who I don’t want
to be, and this was a great gift, like most fears, they all come as a gift
and when we are ready to see it as such, then we will…..

When working on a one to one basis, some ppl can become very reliant on
me, I didn’t like this either, but in saying that I had to see why I was
drawing it in to my life, ah, these ppl have taught me so much about
myself, and I had to admit (even though I did it through grated teeth)
that a part of me wanted to be needed, and so there they were giving me
something I wasn’t giving myself. It took a while to learn to balance this
out and to step back, you know Carolyn, there will always be those who
want you to do it all for them, to give them the answers, or those who
need to look up to someone, when you trust yourself and know what you are
doing, you will find the balance….. All we can ever really do is give
those who seek us out the tools they need, but in the end, its up to them
to apply those tools………..and up to us to stand back when its needed.
I have learnt this the hard way………

I understand what you mean about being a private person, it takes me a
while to share myself at times, it can be a challenge to step away from
the therapist and just be Debbie, especially when ppl know me for what I
do, so many have just wanted to be in my space for what I can help them
with, they where not interested in Debbie the person, and again I drew
these ppl to me because I needed to learn to trust Debbie as much as I
trusted the therapist….

So what I have and am still learning is that everything that comes to me I
have created to teach me to be whole, the way I truly desire to be.

You asked what it is I have let go of? Well Im
at the stage now of letting go of, letting go……..All my fears and old
beliefs are just the train carriage where I sat while on my journey, when
its time to move to another carriage, I will, but those old carriages I do
not unhook, I move away from them, because they have taught me what I
needed to be taught, I’m the whole train not just the engine……